The larxist manifesto (2024)

When deciding the first set of games to play for this challenge, I just HAD to make Wario Land my first heavy-hitter game. As a lifelong fan of the Mario extended universe, platformers, and quirky games in general, this series always spoke to me. The problem is... most of the games are stuck on the GameBoy!!!! So actually, I haven't played very many of them at all! Thankfully, I've outlined this challenge so that I hit all three of the GB games (after which I plan, outside of this challenge, to play Wario Land 4 and Shake it).

Why am I playing the 3rd one first? Erm.... anyway, moving on...

Wario is such a f*cking creature, dude. I love how much they lean into that angle for him in this game. The entire tone of Wario Land 3 basically reads "shakily drawn feral comic book characters get into Looney Tunes shenanigans together." I'll be saying this a lot throughout the challenge, but for a GameBoy game, I was so charmed by this game's art style and presentation. Pictures are favored in the exchange rate with words, so let me just showcase a scrapbook of my faves

Like in Mario 3, this sun will swoop down and attack you. But since Wario is invincible in this game, your ass just gets set running on fire

Wario can destroy the natural landscapes around him in a multitude of violent and absurd ways

Don't f*ck with Wario or he WILL turn you into one of those worm on a strings....

~A competent platformer~

Aside from just being pretty, I think the developers objectively made very efficient use of the small screen real estate. The objects, enemies, and Wario himself are blown up quite large to make room for detail and style, while also increasing the legibility for platforming and squashing enemies. I've played games on a WIDE SCREEN HD TV and had more trouble seeing ahead of me. In Wario Land 3, I almost never struggled to see jumps or areas of interest ahead of me.

This game is, after all, all about exploring. On this particular adventure, Wario is transported to a whimsical island contained inside a magic music box. His aim is to escape, but not without nabbing every goblet and gold doubloon he can. Search every nook of this unfamiliar land, find every giant key to open the treasure chests, and help restore the power of the music box deity in order to go back home with your pockets lined $$$$

The gameplay loop consists of essentially three phases:

One: Metroid-vania style level progression. You enter the first level sorta unable to do much at first. It's kinda funny playing as this worthless fat old man just wandering around the forest, until you just HAPPEN upon one of these giant chests which hold little powerups for Wario. As he powers up, he resembles the tough-and-tumble brawler we know Wario to be, and can start busting through blocks and climbing up cliffs that he could not when you first visited the level. When blocked off areas become accessible, the levels evolve into wide-open platforming sandboxes. It makes the adventure feel vast, despite the size of the console!

Two: Boss battles. Like most platformers, you will encounter bad guys way huger and eviler than the other ones, and you will have to defeat them set to special battle music. All bosses, save for the final boss, follow the rules of Three Hits and Hit the Glowing Part of their Body. Each one is a unique creature with some fun arena gimmick, making them a nice change of pace after all the jumping and smash attacking.

This soccer rabbit was a particularly memorable fight. Whoever can kick a ball-ified version of the other into the net three times wins

Three: Mini games. Well, actually, there's just one mini game. Golf! For a 2D golf game, I found it fun to master power adjustment and spin to conquer the various courses. There's even a secret course you unlock by collecting the special music coins! I LOVE me a classic unlockable, especially unnecessary ones thrown in as a fun extra goodie

... Para-Goom? Is that, like, a relative of the Goomba? I was not ready to be introduced to a Darwin-esque Mario universe evolutionary tree

~Reading the enclosed instruction booklet~

OKAY TIME FOR A BRIEF SIDE TANGENT!! Given how strange and arbitrary as some of the "puzzles" were in Alone in the dark, I ended up using a GameFAQs guide at certain points. As with most old video games, console limitations and lack of in-game tutorials make it tricky to blindly play GameBoy games. Sometimes, it makes them a matter of pure trial and error. I don't find that particularly fun, personally... so when it came to some obscure bits of Wario Land (what levels to visit next after triggering an event, how certain transformations worked, etc.), I felt a sense of annoyance growing in me. What were the devs THINKING? Surely they didn't make a game THIS OBSCURE and expect children to be able to beat it??

In that moment, I tapped into my very empathetic mind and remembered... game devs may not have invented tutorials yet, but they DID include manuals with every single game! That's right! Those little booklets used to be good for something. Really quite important, actually!!

With that, I researched to find an online PDF scan of the game's original manual. That way, without the need of external guides, I could understand the full context of the game! And I am not exaggerating when I say that this guide HELPED. A LOT. It's not like the game was impossible to play without it... but it was, quite simply, a worse game. I learned how to quickly replay event cutscenes, instantly check the next level to explore, the full capabilities of every transformation, and more! Stuff that was programmed into the game but that I simply didn't know existed. Neither me nor the devs would have wanted me to continue without knowing all this!!

As you've seen from some of my previous screenshots, the manual has lots of little lore tidbits and cool official art scattered throughout. It's like a little love letter to the game, stitched together by the developers to go, "Lookie! Look at this cool thing we made! Have fun!!! :D"

With this discovery, I have decided that I will be locating and reading the official instruction booklet for every single game in this challenge from now on. Not only is it helpful, but it's fun! Manuals have always been one of my favorite parts of video game collecting, so it totally enhances this challenge and gives me even more to look forward to as I go!!

~Conclusion~

My only criticisms of this game stem from my own bias against Metroidvania-type games. I don't consider it super fun to wander around the giant ass levels over and over, struggling to find one random block you couldn't break before. But I will admit, it's an economical way to maximize the gameplay in a modest number of levels and maintain a fairly high play time! That is, without abusing artificial difficulty or unfair level design... (looking at YOU, Dr. Wily's revenge....)

Aside from that: the levels look so good, the music is so catchy, and the powering up is so addictive, I can easily forgive a little repetition in exchange for the feeling of absolutely BASHING ENEMIES SKULLS IN and KNOCKING THEIR BONES TOGETHER LIKE PINBALLS with how absolutely beefed up Wario becomes later on

It's a classic for a reason. I am definitely turned on to the Wario Land series now, and I can't wait to see how they all build off each other as a franchise! Shame Wario only seems to star in minigame collections now... which only serve to kill our chances at a new Rhythm heaven game..... >:{

((jk I luh waryo where <3))

Check out this lil medley of the game's soundtrack, made by our very own SiIvaGunner team! :D

Phew, that was a long one...